Have you ever....

wanted something so much it becomes a struggle to be patient?
This, in some respects is how I feel about hijrah..I am a patient person by nature..I have no problem waiting things out.. I have been waiting things out for as long as I can remember...

But I am hungry for Hijrah in a way words can't possibly do justice..and each day i brace myself and tell myself..just get through today and insha'allah you'll be one day closer..Allah of course has it all planned..and it's not for me to fight it, or try to force it to go any faster than it can.. I just have to wait...

makes you think....

ALGERIAN ATTACKS

should this make me any less determined to go?
should this make me think twice about taking my children away from a place of relative security?

some people might say it should..... my family definately would, but for me it isn't reason enough to stay here.

am I crazy?

so where have I been at?

Well...If only the answer to that one were easy.....
this, of course was meant to be my Hijrah blog..but, for reasons even a lifetime wouldn't be enough to explain..we haven't made our hijrah yet and we have no really firm idea of when we will...and so it's been difficult to come back here with any regularity without wanting to gouge out my own eyes in frustration really. But, there is hikmah behind every situation that Allah puts us in, and the is a reason for every path we are led down, whether or not we can see it at the time. So I'm hanging in, and being patient, and living out of suitcases while wait for the opportunity to leave.

I realised after abandoning this blog that a sister had asked me for my reasons behind wanting to make hijrah, and although I'm a little late in answering I'd have to say first and foremost that it's for the sake of Allah ta'ala, and also it's an attempt to salvage my relationship with Him, because in living here, I feel myself slipping further and further away from being the kind of Muslimah that makes Allah happy.
I need new challanges to awaken me and breathe new life into my eeman...

sometimes....

we allow life to become more complicated than it needs to be, and sometimes we make life more complicated for ourselves so that we have less time to fill, dealing with our inner selves and the chaos that can abound *in there*

this time prior to making hijrah needs to be a period of reflection and self evaluation, I need to be honest with myself about changes that need to be made, and I need to have clear goals in mind for this next stage in my family's life.

this is no small step we are taking and will change the whole dynamic of our lives, so thought and careful consideration will need to be used in the run up to our leaving for Algeria and in our settling down over there.

Allah bless us with sabr, ameen

Because everything has to have a beginning, right?

With Hijrah looming large I thought it was time I started getting my act together and started to focus on .... better and bigger things insha'allah, and my other blog home doesn't seem to be the right place to put my heavier thoughts ... I don't actually know if this will work out or even if I'll keep it up, but here goes anyway insha'allah.